Thursday, April 09, 2009
It is hard to believe I have been back at work for a month. Being back at work only makes the time go by faster and I am committed to savoring every tiny bit of James' first year. I was so distracted by Katrina and not knowing what I was doing and waiting to figure it all out during La Luz's first year that I missed out on the moments and wasted my time worrying about what was next. Unfortunately, being back at work makes that a little tricky. I hate to even add up the hours of the day that I am with James. I guess I don't have to because you can imagine, a few hours in the morning if I am lucky and he wakes up early and a few hours in the evening if I am lucky and he is awake. If I am really lucky (or unlucky) he wakes up in the middle of the night and we have a few quiet minutes together rocking in the chair. But the weekends, well, those are different and treasured. It is a huge consolation that he is spending his days in mom-mom's loving care at least for a little while longer.
Being back at work has been extremely challenging not only emotionally but physically. I came down with the flu after a week back and I am sure it is because I was exhausted. Earlier this week I came down with my second round of incredibly painful mastitis. Fortunately, this time around I only had one day of the wretched fever and chills because I started an antibiotic immediately. The pain and inflammation, however, has only just started to subside. I am not dreaming, I know I can't do it all and I have clearly failed at trying to continue breastfeeding while working. The doctor knew it and she flat at told me that unless I would be fully committed to pumping diligently I needed to consider weaning or else I would run the risk of another infection. She is right. I get distracted or stuck on the phone or in a meeting and pumping just gets put off and then 8 hours later I am engorged. Not a good idea. So, once the infection clears I am going to start to fully wean James. I am not thrilled about it but it is the only logical choice at this point.
Notwithstanding the challenges, I am actually hanging in there. I couldn't do it without the flexibility of Christian's schedule, flexibility at work, and a ton of help from my family. I don't know what I would do if not for those things.
Now, on to the important stuff...at three months James is starting to actually look and act more like a baby and less like a newborn. He is chattering away, laughing (only occasionally), starting to be interested in toys, beginning to grab at things and put them in his mouth, learning to hold his own bottle (I hope he masters this skill first), following us around with his eyes, and (finally) focusing better on people and things. Much like his big sister, he enjoys television. I realize this is terrible but, honestly, when we are all trying to get ready in the morning it is miserable to listen to him fuss. A simple solution is to put him on his play mat in front of the tv. It is usually something harmless like Mickey Mouse or Curious George. Please don't judge. I only do it out of necessity.
We are all gearing up for a nice three day weekend. Christian will be coaching all weekend and I am heading to sugar cane country. I don't even care if it rains the entire time. My only goal is to spend lots of time doing things with James and La Luz and maybe fitting in time for a run or a few long walks.